Friends/Vaginas

I forget about my friends. This is another thing that makes me a bad person. I forget about my friends until someone reminds me that they're there, that I have friends. I had this great idea to get my nude model friends with blogs or paysites together and have a vlog-off like fiveawesomegirls and this reminded me that Candy Poses (http://candyposes.com/drupal/) is my friend so I had to go read her blog, Feminism without Clothes (http://candyposes.com/blog.html/) again.

I read a few pages back and remembered why I have just the hugest girl-crush ever on her. Also, she used the word "snatch" in relating to her hairy crotch which is my favorite crotch word ever. The first time I ever heard someone use the slang was in high school. This really beautiful girl named Ester who I had somehow conned into being my best friend just casually tossed the word out.

I don't even remember what she was saying now, just something about "my snatch" but I do remember being absolutely floored. She threw the word out there with a wave of her hand and a casual toss of the head (okay probably not that, but it's how I remember it) and just kept on talking. The way she said it and the person she is just made me convinced that snatch was the word powerful, beautiful, artistic women used to describe their holiest of holies. I've since decided that "snatch" is possibly the most powerful word for a woman to use when referring to her crotchal regions.

Not to discount other slangs for the vaginal area. I mean "cunt" is cool too, but that's a little to vagina monologues for me. Plus, it sounds angry. It's a CUNT. It's slobbery and hairy and red and nasty and mean. Say cunt and I picture someone who is angry. An angry vagina monster....*shudders* now there's a terrifying concept. What would an angry vagina monster even do? It kind of sounds like some kind of encounter you'd have in Final Fantasy.

*Badly dubbed voice* Watch out Kenjiko! We're in cunt territory! *encounter music plays* *cut screen of this ugly, hairy, hot-dog-bun-on-crack looking thing coming out of a bush with a huge red tongueish thing coming out of the middle licking all around it and throwing huge drops of smelly slobber out. It's got teeth up the middle and it walks on those tiny little feet wind up teeth toys have.

I don't even want to know what the standard attacks of the cunt monster are.

Vagina bothers me because it's not even the right term. That's just a part of it, not the whole thing.

I don't want to hear or say anything that makes it sound like it's wet or smelly or makes gross noises. Poontang makes it sound like it both has a taste and an unpleasant smell. Plus that kind of sounds like a rapper. I picture "Poontang the asian rapper" someone from a country that doesn't have "poontang" as a slang for snatch. He just heard it from someone's American cousin and thought it sounded cool. Similarly Punani is out. That's Poontang's female counterpart. Perhaps she's lead female vocals on his album, perhaps she simply takes care of his kids. That's right, soak that one in for a minute. Yeah, I said it. His Pu-nanny. Get it?! Oh I crack myself up.

...Cootchie and Pudenda hang out in Poontang's entourage. They are the annoying lame ones that the roadies don't like and the band manager counsels to shut up when press comes around.

Gash, "axe wound" and words similar to them piss me off because that makes me sound incomplete or injured. I have a gash, someone cut me, I hope that it heals. Well that's no good. "Gash of madness" (a la something positive the comic) is right out. Slit and slot sort of teeter on the edge here. I won't say either of them unless I'm trying to be vulgar or someone asks me if I take payment by credit card. "No, I'm sorry. I tried to run them up my slot but I just got bruises!"

Love Hole and baby maker are other disfavored terms. A hole is a large, cold place that is dark and dank. I will have none of that between my legs. Calling it a "love" hole or a baby maker implies that it's not for my pleasure but for the pleasure of the person "using" it or simply for production of offspring. Hearing these terms a lot makes me want to raise my hand and say, "Excuse me? The woman attached to these reproductive organs would like to claim them as her own again!"

It's not all bad though. There are a few terms that I just smile at. Using the word "sex" to describe it makes me think of old romance novels. "And his hand traveled slowly down to her sex, caressing the tufts of her downy mound and making her moisten in anticipation." It's old fashioned and clinical at the same time. We used the term "sex" to describe the genitals in animals and plants we dissected in college. Sex. A neutral term.

Pussy is okay because, well, everyone uses it. It's neutral and cute and there ARE some similarities between a cat and a cunt. Both are occasionally furry,
sex
pussy