Dating as marketing

I started my day job to sustain me while I was in school. Now I just kinda keep it because I like going out during the day and working with other people. I know that people are rare to like the job that they have, and I like mine so I feel I should appreciate the blessing that I have and keep it :)

Anyway, I do glorified temp work. I come in on a per project basis for firms that need web design work. Sometimes it IS temp work and I fill in on a big project when the other folks are out of the office and sometimes I just design one website or do little fix up work for small firms that don't have a web design person. In one office I work in regularly I share a room with the internet marketing team.

I wouldn't say I'm a big fan of marketing and sales departments, in my short sojourn into the corporate world I have already learned that they are the natural enemy to developers like myself. However, I've definitely learned a lot about internet marketing from listening to these guys' meetings. Normally I apply said knowledge to marketing my porn. This last meeting though sounded a lot like dating, so that's what I'll apply it to.

Dating, as "landing page analysis"

Most of my friends are guys, nerds like myself and for some reason they assume that I know a lot of other girls. I don't know why they think this, I've never begged out of a D&D game to go "hang out with the girls" or anything. Maybe vaginas are magnets for other vaginas and I just don't know. I've never attracted other vaginas though...shit. Maybe I've put my vag on inside out and the polarity is reversed.

I'll have to check that later.

Anyway. Landing page analysis is all about deciding who your markets for your product are and putting the stuff about your product that each market wants in a place where they can find it. This is what dating is all about too, finding the people you like and showing them how you are the person they like in hopes that they like you.

Step one, steal underwear. Oh no, sorry, different tutorial. Step one, figure out the kind of person you want to date. I know that having a "type" of person is "so 1997" but no matter how evolved you are you've got certain people you enjoy being around or like looking at. My friend Geoff* is an artist who really likes athletic girls. Your sub-step here is to figure out why you like this person and then why this person would like you.

That sub step sounds like a lot of soul searching, and true enough, it may require that. It's mostly put there for you to analyze your decision. Like, say you decide you like Asian girls b/c you expect them to be subservient or you like goths because you want to listen to nothing but Morrissey forever. Got news for you pal, Asian chicks are people who have different kinds of temperaments like everybody else and most goth kids these days haven't even heard of Morrissey (also, have you considered therapy for depression?).

I don't know why Geoff likes athletic girls, but I could tell you what he has to offer them. He's an artist, so I imagine lots of really cool afternoons spent like Titanic where she lounges and he sketches her portrait and it's all sexy-like. He has a good sense of humor, and is articulate (it's cliche because people are actually looking for it). He also has a job, car, friends, and good personal hygiene. The latter often needs to be noted.

Now that you've figured out who you're looking for and made sure that there aren't unrealistic expectations (and perhaps had some therapy) we're ready for step two. Find where the person you want is most likely to be.

Though I've never been a bar-going sort my parents were always fond of saying, "you're never going to meet your true love in a bar". Though I did read a cute story just the other day where life partners had met in a bar I'm going to go with my parents on this one. I've heard more, "I totally fucked this guy I met at a bar while we were wicked wasted and I probably shouldn't have done that because I never want to see him again." than I've heard, "We met at Cruisers and have been happily married ever since."

Online dating has been a big thing ever since Al Gore invented the internet so you could always do that and read another tutorial out there somewhere to teach you how to write a great profile for gay-hating Match.com. There are plenty of those out there so I'm going to talk about something else.

Going back to Geoff. He likes athletic girls and he likes girls who like dogs. If you didn't have a friend who could set you up with this girl, where would you find an athletic girl who likes dogs? At the gym, at a dog park, volunteering with an animal rescue league, walking her dog in the park, taking a job as a dog walker, anywhere that the Venn diagram of "likes dogs" overlaps with the one of "likes physical activity".

Now that we've located our quarry we must locate ourselves in the same locale! Geoff doesn't have a dog, so he can't take his own dog to a dog park, but he could volunteer to walk a friend's dog and he could certainly volunteer to work for an animal rescue. Heck, he could take out the middle man of chance and go straight to volunteering with a singles' volunteer club that works with animal rescues. Let me Google that for you:

Results 1 - 10 of about 187,000 for singles volunteer group. (0.28 seconds)

Similarly, Geoff could join a gym and ask that the cute chick on the treadmill or in spinning class if she likes dogs.

There you have it, basic dating via marketing. Find your "market". Figure out if it's the right one for you. Find your marketable product. Bring the right product to the right market. If we want to fine tune it, or take it a little more advanced, we add one last step.

Now that we grok our audience we make ourselves more attractive to them. This is related to the sub points in the first part. You know what you have to offer, now you have to figure out what they're looking for. This part is kind of tough. You're LOOKING for your audience, so you haven't found them yet and until you have some experience with them you can only guess (based on your superb market research and after school specials) at what they're looking for.

What do athletic girls who like dogs look for in a partner? Basic human knowledge tells us that they're like everyone else and they're looking for people like them. Athletic people who like dogs. If this is true, Geoff has a hurdle here because he's fat. The only way to test and see if this is true is by getting out there. Find the athletic girls, spend time with them. Maybe they'll date you as you are. If so, win! If not, remember, this is an anthropological marketing study here. Pay attention, see who they do date. Don't change yourself to something that you're not, but play up those characteristics in yourself.

There you go. Again, find your market, find your product, paint your product in the best light for your market and go to market. Refine your approach with sophisticated market research. Isobel Wren, naked AND informative.

*Names changed to protect the innocent (and keep Geoff from beating my ass)

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